Temperance McKinley
Creative Writing
12-09-11
“Music depresses my scared hidden
religion”……
My religion is hidden, my own
personal religion is hidden. I was raised to believe in God, I am still raised
to believe in God. But My mind doesn’t fully believe in God. I’m not saying
that he’s unreal, I’m saying that I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ll belief in
God I’ll believe in heaven I’ll believe in heaven, I’ll believe in the Bible
when I actually see it. Not the actual Bible, but the original bible, the Bible
written in Hebrew, the Bible written at the exact moment it was written, the
Bible written before men. I’ll believe this “religion” when I see the
“religion”. But then how I express this when idea is hidden, when my idea is
not really known. When I live off of knowing who God is, listening to the music
of God. I feel as if I’m putting on a front as if, I’m not really sure or not
really certain of myself. Does this make me a devil worshipper? No because in
not believing in God, I don’t believe in the Devil. It’s all a myth, it’s all a
question, it’s all a question. It’s all he say or she say. It’s all a matter of
question. Learning Bible verses all my life, even when I was little, I always
thought of the Bible, as a book, with these characters, or with these abstract
weird parables. Am I hiding from
the church, or am I hiding from the people. I feel I’m hiding because I’m
afraid of what the church will think of me.I’m the token “church girl” at my
church and at home. But as I step outside those doors, I’m something different,
I’m just a regular teenager, I’m a regular person, I make mistakes I do my best
but I don’t do a lot. I’m not the so called “church girl” they take me to be.
I’m not that perfect child, that everyone looks up to. I honestly don’t belive
anybody looks up to me.
Scared: I’m scared. I’m scared to live,
I’m to accept, I’m scared to be myself,I’m scared to express my feelings. I’m
scared to tell……. Wait I can’t
tell you! I’m scared not to tell you, I’m of what will happen when I tell you,
I’m scared to tell you about what I’m scared to tell you about. I think I’m
scared to live in the world I live in. I’m scared of dieing, but I’m not afraid
of trying to die. I’m scared of
dieing by accident. I’m scared of not dieing without a reason. Maybe I’m
scared of nothing. Maybe it’s al in ym head.
I have music I have
depression, depression is something everyday, just like music is everyday.
Music is more of a way to hide my depression. I express my depression in music.
I listen to sad songs, to display that I’m sad, I listen to mad music to
display that I’m done. I listen to happy music to display im happy. Music
explains my depressing life, I deal with depression, like it’s a disease, but
really it’s not. I feel like it’s a disease, because it travels with me
everywhere I go. I walk around and depression is there, I wake up and
depression is there, I sleep and depression is there. But I feel the same way
about music. It’s a disease but a helpful disease. Every life long depression I
have music is there, every problem I have music is there. Every friend I loose,
every friend I gain music is always there, every serious situation music is
there, every family death music is there. But I don’t think music is a harmful disease. So Music depresses, music
helps my depression, my scared, my would represent me meaning me scared or I’m
scared, hidden religion my religion is hidden, it hides behind my body my wall
it hides behind my learned religion.
Music depresses my scared hidden religion. This explains my music
loving, depression all around, a scared body and mind, hidden religion, and a
life of a child/teenager/young
adult life.
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